I am by no means the tidiest person in the world, in fact my bedroom ordinarily looks like someone has ransacked it. I am about to commence a spring clean, the best thing to do when I should be preparing for exams. This is procrastination on a whole new level!
A list of things you need while spring cleaning;
- A good playlist, I find www.thisismyjam.com a good source of music.
- Ruthlessness you can't be in that mindset where you think you'll be needing that piece of string or that plastic bag sometime soon, "just in case"
- A lot of time I know you think it won't take you long, but it will and if you don't have enough time you will have to sleep in a room that is reminiscent of a bomb-site
- Lastly, you will need patience and a heavy supply of snacks and coffee.
This has been procrastination of the procrastination. Some sort of weird Inception stuff going on here. I'd best get some coffee inside me, and get cracking on the explosion that is my bedroom. Wish me luck.
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
31/05/2012
17/05/2012
Would it be naive?
Would it be foolish to say that this is love?I wrote a little poem.
Would it be foolish to say we fit, hand in glove?
I think we'll remain together when push comes to shove.
So is it that naive to say that this could be love?
Some people say 'don't rush' that we're going too fast.
They don't don't see that together we were made to last.
When I'm with you I don't worry or dwell upon the past.
I feel like I'm a ship and you guide me, my mast.
16/05/2012
Erotica and Insomnia
I don't know about you, but any number of sweaty, heavy breathing people engaging in sexual acts is no turn on for me whatsoever. As you well know I am a big fan of reading, and that carries over to my sexual pleasure and masturbatory habits. I get a lot of arousal through reading erotic stories. In particular ones about an older male English teacher or professor and a young, but not slutty, female student. This may or may not reflect a relationship that I myself wish I would have had with a certain teacher, Mr. Marks. I won't dwell too much upon Mr. Marks because I will get... excited shall we say. If I can't sleep I'll often create scenarios in my head between him and I, maybe I stay behind to ask him for help and he strolls over to the door, locks it, and we have passionate sex by his desk. To name but one scenario! There are endless possibilities when your mind is the maker. You should try it if you can't sleep, it works.
If you can't sleep due to your brain not having an off switch then these are good to try, sort of variations on the same thing; - Imagine a dirty alleyway with graffiti and other such things, then you see a little old, generic looking man wearing a flat-cap pushing an industrial sized bin into your "mind screen". You throw all of your thoughts, and that bloody song that's been stuck in your head all day into the bin. Shut it quickly, get the little man to lock it and then he'll push it off the other side of the screen. You'll find that you're mind is clear, not a thought in sight. Although it doesn't stay that way for long so get relaxed as soon as possible.
- Another one like this is to have a field with a hot air balloon in the middle, and lock all of your thoughts in a box, pop it into the hot air balloon and and sever its ties with the ground, let it float away.
- And lastly, my current favourite, is to have a blank white mind screen, almost instantly your thoughts appear and clutter the space. So you imagine a white ball of energy at the bottom in the middle, then the ball gets bigger and bigger and a force field now surrounds your ball of energy, so the thoughts start to bounce off. Eventually the ball takes over the whole screen and the thoughts are gone for quite a while.
I know what insomnia feels like and I know it can be the most horrible experience, sometimes I feel like the morning isn't going to come if I can't get to sleep. We all get a bit strange at night though don't we? Thinking in a morbid way and, me personally, at night when I'm alone the only thoughts that want to circulate my noggin are negative ones, ones that are telling me how much I need to improve my life and whatnot. Hence why I've devised a few techniques to shut them up! I hope they help you in some way. You can take one and put your own spin on it, whatever works for you.
This has been somewhat a mish-mash of two potential posts, but one topic seemed to flow nicely from the other so I figured why the hell not!
If you can't sleep due to your brain not having an off switch then these are good to try, sort of variations on the same thing; - Imagine a dirty alleyway with graffiti and other such things, then you see a little old, generic looking man wearing a flat-cap pushing an industrial sized bin into your "mind screen". You throw all of your thoughts, and that bloody song that's been stuck in your head all day into the bin. Shut it quickly, get the little man to lock it and then he'll push it off the other side of the screen. You'll find that you're mind is clear, not a thought in sight. Although it doesn't stay that way for long so get relaxed as soon as possible.
- Another one like this is to have a field with a hot air balloon in the middle, and lock all of your thoughts in a box, pop it into the hot air balloon and and sever its ties with the ground, let it float away.
- And lastly, my current favourite, is to have a blank white mind screen, almost instantly your thoughts appear and clutter the space. So you imagine a white ball of energy at the bottom in the middle, then the ball gets bigger and bigger and a force field now surrounds your ball of energy, so the thoughts start to bounce off. Eventually the ball takes over the whole screen and the thoughts are gone for quite a while.
I know what insomnia feels like and I know it can be the most horrible experience, sometimes I feel like the morning isn't going to come if I can't get to sleep. We all get a bit strange at night though don't we? Thinking in a morbid way and, me personally, at night when I'm alone the only thoughts that want to circulate my noggin are negative ones, ones that are telling me how much I need to improve my life and whatnot. Hence why I've devised a few techniques to shut them up! I hope they help you in some way. You can take one and put your own spin on it, whatever works for you.
This has been somewhat a mish-mash of two potential posts, but one topic seemed to flow nicely from the other so I figured why the hell not!
09/05/2012
Gender; Boys Don't Cry
I would like to dedicate this post to the memory of Brandon Teena (1972-1993)
I watched the film Boys Don't Cry today, it was so powerful and emotional. I'm sure I'll never forget it. Hilary Swank plays Brandon Teena, a female to male transgender man. She portrayed the part so well, I forgot that she was an actress and completely believed her performance. I will admit that I didn't know it was based on the true story of Brandon Teena until the end in which it tells the audience what happened to the men that abused, raped and murdered him. At that point I was sobbing, I just could not believe that people are so small minded. I was sitting in my bedroom, shaking with rage at the monstrous behaviour of the two men, john lotter and tom nissen (their names do not deserve capital letters in my opinion) I was utterly gobsmacked. I am lost for words, the anger and sadness I felt could not be put into words.
I'm studying gender in psychology at the moment, and it reduces it to genetics, and hormones. It makes me sad that it hardly brushes over the psychological aspect of gender. "Traditional" gender roles are a social construct, why are men still being paid more than women? Why is it humiliating or unnacceptable for a man to be feminine, or a woman to be masculine without being called a fag or a dyke. I just hate the world sometimes.
Why can't a person identify as whatever gender they feel that they are? I don't see how it could offend anyone. Just how? Why can't someone with the XY chromosome wear make up, or have long hair or act like society feels that someone with the XX chromosome "should act"? If I fall in love with someone it's because I like them, as a person, not what's in their underwear, or what has been in there previously, or what may or may not be there in the future. I love people for people not for their genitals. I think small minded people don't like seeing someone who is transgender because it confuses them and their tiny brains. They feel that their own sexuality and identity are being challenged so they attack the unknown. Which is ridiculous and I really hope this changes in the near future. I'm still in disbelief that same sex couples can't get married! What the hell is this? This is going to stop being coherent pretty soon because my emotions are spilling over the top here.
Lastly I will just say that you should just be who you want to be, whether that's straight, gay, bisexual, transgender, male, female, pansexual, asexual, transexual, transvestite, tortoise. ANYthing, just be who your heart wants to be. Love yourself and who you are.
I watched the film Boys Don't Cry today, it was so powerful and emotional. I'm sure I'll never forget it. Hilary Swank plays Brandon Teena, a female to male transgender man. She portrayed the part so well, I forgot that she was an actress and completely believed her performance. I will admit that I didn't know it was based on the true story of Brandon Teena until the end in which it tells the audience what happened to the men that abused, raped and murdered him. At that point I was sobbing, I just could not believe that people are so small minded. I was sitting in my bedroom, shaking with rage at the monstrous behaviour of the two men, john lotter and tom nissen (their names do not deserve capital letters in my opinion) I was utterly gobsmacked. I am lost for words, the anger and sadness I felt could not be put into words.
I'm studying gender in psychology at the moment, and it reduces it to genetics, and hormones. It makes me sad that it hardly brushes over the psychological aspect of gender. "Traditional" gender roles are a social construct, why are men still being paid more than women? Why is it humiliating or unnacceptable for a man to be feminine, or a woman to be masculine without being called a fag or a dyke. I just hate the world sometimes.
Why can't a person identify as whatever gender they feel that they are? I don't see how it could offend anyone. Just how? Why can't someone with the XY chromosome wear make up, or have long hair or act like society feels that someone with the XX chromosome "should act"? If I fall in love with someone it's because I like them, as a person, not what's in their underwear, or what has been in there previously, or what may or may not be there in the future. I love people for people not for their genitals. I think small minded people don't like seeing someone who is transgender because it confuses them and their tiny brains. They feel that their own sexuality and identity are being challenged so they attack the unknown. Which is ridiculous and I really hope this changes in the near future. I'm still in disbelief that same sex couples can't get married! What the hell is this? This is going to stop being coherent pretty soon because my emotions are spilling over the top here.
Lastly I will just say that you should just be who you want to be, whether that's straight, gay, bisexual, transgender, male, female, pansexual, asexual, transexual, transvestite, tortoise. ANYthing, just be who your heart wants to be. Love yourself and who you are.
02/05/2012
An Update in the Form of Word Vomit
Ahh, bonjour dear strangers! It's been a very long time since my last entry, around 5 months in fact. Jesus, that is a while isn't it? Well let me say that a lot has changed in my formerly boring life!
Firstly, I am no longer single and reluctant to mingle, I am now in a brand spanking new relationship with a lovely fellow named Harry. We first encountered each other, drunk, at a mutual friend's party. I saw him and was instantly attracted to his countless tattoos and his fantastic handlebar moustache. Needless to say I am utterly smitten! (Have I used too many exclamation marks? Well I'm excited so they're justified. Nearly put another one at the end of that last sentence, I think I'm addicted.) He met my entire family on our first official "date" and wasn't worried at all. It might be partly due to his.. let's say life experience. Okay, okay he's six years my senior. He doesn't act as old as he is though, and he doesn't make me feel particularly young, plus age is but a number. So anyway, he met my entire family (the most crackers bunch of people you will ever meet) and stayed the night at my house. We watched television until teleshopping came on, and just talked (amongst other things if you know what I mean) until the sun came up. He turned to me and said, "It's light outside." I was so shocked, I neglected the fact that the morning will still come even if I don't sleep. I know it's a cliché but I feel like I've known him for a long time, despite only being in a relationship with him for eleven days, he's a friend who I can be silly with and also be intimate with.
My goodness, I've turned into a soppy cow! Sometimes I feel a bit ill at how cutesy we are. Let's move away from this subject, I'm probably boring you into a coma.
I turned eighteen not long ago, and despite my initial thoughts it doesn't feel any different. I hardly get asked for ID when I buy drinks. So it's sort of like still being seventeen, I've engaged in one clubbing experience, (Bearing in mind that I am bookish and like being indoors) I went deaf in my left ear for a week and was convinced that I had tinnitus. It wasn't so bad while I was there because I had imbibed copious amounts of alcohol. Frequently running to the bar hastily fishing money out of my bra shouting "JÄGERRRRR!" What an embarrassment I was, the bright side is that I'll never see any of those people again. Aside from the ones that attend the same college as me. Oh dear. Needless to say I haven't been again yet, and I hope to keep it that way for a while. Now my relationship status is Taken I have a valid excuse for staying in with my boyfriend and being boring, because luckily for me we are very nearly the same person, he loves what I love. Sorry, I'm back on this subject. I'll attempt (in vain I'm sure) to keep shtum about it.
Another thing that's happening right now/pretty soon is university organisation and exams. I ventured to sort out my student finance last night and after having a mini heart attack due to the misplacement of my national insurance number, I got down to it. Why does directgov insist on being so user unfriendly, using silly jargon that my mother nor I could figure out. I managed to declare that I'm not a resident of the UK (I've hardly been out of the country in all my eighteen years) due to the ridiculous wording of the question. Then my mother was being entirely unhelpful, just saying, "It's the first time I'm doing all this." Oh right of course Mum, I'd completely forgotten that I applied to university last year!! Good grief! I've decided to sacrifice the wonderful surroundings of Brighton university for the University of Chichester, due to the lack of faith I have in my ability to get an A in at least one of my subjects. I'm not unintelligent, just lazy, which is the bane of my life. If I could just read all day and not need food or water, I would be so happy. That is part of the reason I aspire to become a book editor, that and my love of correcting other people's mistakes. I have a field day every time my psychology teacher gives us the new booklet. I wonder sometimes how she got a degree at all.
Well this has been positively delightful! I promise that I will be much more active from now on, with exponentially more interesting entries than this one. Thanks for being there and reading this if indeed you've stayed this long, if not, I don't blame you. I wouldn't read this drivel.
Firstly, I am no longer single and reluctant to mingle, I am now in a brand spanking new relationship with a lovely fellow named Harry. We first encountered each other, drunk, at a mutual friend's party. I saw him and was instantly attracted to his countless tattoos and his fantastic handlebar moustache. Needless to say I am utterly smitten! (Have I used too many exclamation marks? Well I'm excited so they're justified. Nearly put another one at the end of that last sentence, I think I'm addicted.) He met my entire family on our first official "date" and wasn't worried at all. It might be partly due to his.. let's say life experience. Okay, okay he's six years my senior. He doesn't act as old as he is though, and he doesn't make me feel particularly young, plus age is but a number. So anyway, he met my entire family (the most crackers bunch of people you will ever meet) and stayed the night at my house. We watched television until teleshopping came on, and just talked (amongst other things if you know what I mean) until the sun came up. He turned to me and said, "It's light outside." I was so shocked, I neglected the fact that the morning will still come even if I don't sleep. I know it's a cliché but I feel like I've known him for a long time, despite only being in a relationship with him for eleven days, he's a friend who I can be silly with and also be intimate with.
My goodness, I've turned into a soppy cow! Sometimes I feel a bit ill at how cutesy we are. Let's move away from this subject, I'm probably boring you into a coma.
I turned eighteen not long ago, and despite my initial thoughts it doesn't feel any different. I hardly get asked for ID when I buy drinks. So it's sort of like still being seventeen, I've engaged in one clubbing experience, (Bearing in mind that I am bookish and like being indoors) I went deaf in my left ear for a week and was convinced that I had tinnitus. It wasn't so bad while I was there because I had imbibed copious amounts of alcohol. Frequently running to the bar hastily fishing money out of my bra shouting "JÄGERRRRR!" What an embarrassment I was, the bright side is that I'll never see any of those people again. Aside from the ones that attend the same college as me. Oh dear. Needless to say I haven't been again yet, and I hope to keep it that way for a while. Now my relationship status is Taken I have a valid excuse for staying in with my boyfriend and being boring, because luckily for me we are very nearly the same person, he loves what I love. Sorry, I'm back on this subject. I'll attempt (in vain I'm sure) to keep shtum about it.
Another thing that's happening right now/pretty soon is university organisation and exams. I ventured to sort out my student finance last night and after having a mini heart attack due to the misplacement of my national insurance number, I got down to it. Why does directgov insist on being so user unfriendly, using silly jargon that my mother nor I could figure out. I managed to declare that I'm not a resident of the UK (I've hardly been out of the country in all my eighteen years) due to the ridiculous wording of the question. Then my mother was being entirely unhelpful, just saying, "It's the first time I'm doing all this." Oh right of course Mum, I'd completely forgotten that I applied to university last year!! Good grief! I've decided to sacrifice the wonderful surroundings of Brighton university for the University of Chichester, due to the lack of faith I have in my ability to get an A in at least one of my subjects. I'm not unintelligent, just lazy, which is the bane of my life. If I could just read all day and not need food or water, I would be so happy. That is part of the reason I aspire to become a book editor, that and my love of correcting other people's mistakes. I have a field day every time my psychology teacher gives us the new booklet. I wonder sometimes how she got a degree at all.
Well this has been positively delightful! I promise that I will be much more active from now on, with exponentially more interesting entries than this one. Thanks for being there and reading this if indeed you've stayed this long, if not, I don't blame you. I wouldn't read this drivel.
08/11/2011
Awkward, Cringeworthy Intro Post
Here comes the clichéd introductory entry, I hate these things so I'll make this little bit as brief as possible.
Hello, I'm Esther (pseudonym obviously) I'm in my late teenage years and in education. I am a literature fanatic, so don't be shocked at the amount I talk about books. If you're one of those who think reading is boring, or for sad people with no lives, you can just leave now, I can guarantee that you'll be bored to within an inch of your life here.
I was inspired to write an anonymous blog by the fantastic Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl.
Something that probably says a lot about me, is that it took me twenty minutes to decide which font to use for this blog. In the end I settled on Bentham, but I'm now unsure whether I like the way that the letter S is bigger than the other letters even in lowercase. So you can probably expect a font change at some point in the near future.
I think that should be enough for now, you'll learn more about me as you read each entry from here on in, so strap in and get ready! (I can promise you my life is not that interesting that you need to strap in, it just sounded good)
So today, well would you be shocked if I told you I slept in until 3pm. Well, I did so you can pick up your jaw from the floor now. I was supposed to be going to college today, it being Tuesday and all. But I woke up this morning at 7am, planned to shower and be prepared for the half past 8 departure, little did I know last night that I would be so tired at 7am I wouldn't even have the energy to roll out of bed and fall to the floor. So I set my alarm to 8am, then thought fuck it and called in sick. Half an hour is not nearly enough time for a shower, plus getting ready, and a morning coffee. So I crawled back into my pit, and slept for another seven hours. That is a long time isn't it, bloody hell. I sleep a lot, but sometimes I don't sleep at all, so forgive me.
I've only been awake for an hour and a half, so needless to say I haven't accomplished much as of yet. A strong coffee being the extent of my productivity. I plan to (and we all know how that ended last time) get some more of my book written today, perhaps another chapter or two. I'm a slow writer, it's taken me a very long time to write two decent chapters, which I'm still not satisfied with might I add. I've got plans for it though, and hopefully I can get the ball rolling a bit quicker now. I also need to finish The Notebook, I'm enjoying it so far, although I am only 47 pages in, but it's good nonetheless.
I've also got a bit of Psychology work to do, nothing major just a bit of reading, which you know I don't mind at all. Then I will probably spend the rest of the evening having the shower that I neglected this morning and getting stuck in to my untitled masterpiece (ha!).
Hello, I'm Esther (pseudonym obviously) I'm in my late teenage years and in education. I am a literature fanatic, so don't be shocked at the amount I talk about books. If you're one of those who think reading is boring, or for sad people with no lives, you can just leave now, I can guarantee that you'll be bored to within an inch of your life here.
I was inspired to write an anonymous blog by the fantastic Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl.
Something that probably says a lot about me, is that it took me twenty minutes to decide which font to use for this blog. In the end I settled on Bentham, but I'm now unsure whether I like the way that the letter S is bigger than the other letters even in lowercase. So you can probably expect a font change at some point in the near future.
I think that should be enough for now, you'll learn more about me as you read each entry from here on in, so strap in and get ready! (I can promise you my life is not that interesting that you need to strap in, it just sounded good)
So today, well would you be shocked if I told you I slept in until 3pm. Well, I did so you can pick up your jaw from the floor now. I was supposed to be going to college today, it being Tuesday and all. But I woke up this morning at 7am, planned to shower and be prepared for the half past 8 departure, little did I know last night that I would be so tired at 7am I wouldn't even have the energy to roll out of bed and fall to the floor. So I set my alarm to 8am, then thought fuck it and called in sick. Half an hour is not nearly enough time for a shower, plus getting ready, and a morning coffee. So I crawled back into my pit, and slept for another seven hours. That is a long time isn't it, bloody hell. I sleep a lot, but sometimes I don't sleep at all, so forgive me.
I've only been awake for an hour and a half, so needless to say I haven't accomplished much as of yet. A strong coffee being the extent of my productivity. I plan to (and we all know how that ended last time) get some more of my book written today, perhaps another chapter or two. I'm a slow writer, it's taken me a very long time to write two decent chapters, which I'm still not satisfied with might I add. I've got plans for it though, and hopefully I can get the ball rolling a bit quicker now. I also need to finish The Notebook, I'm enjoying it so far, although I am only 47 pages in, but it's good nonetheless.
I've also got a bit of Psychology work to do, nothing major just a bit of reading, which you know I don't mind at all. Then I will probably spend the rest of the evening having the shower that I neglected this morning and getting stuck in to my untitled masterpiece (ha!).
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